World's Worst Family

That's what I'm feeling like we are today.  Of course, I know that's not true, but being canned by two therapists in one day makes it easy.  Dealing with the "professionals" who come into our home has been the cause of more emotional stress than having two children with Autism.  In the course of four years of living this life, our door has been open to many, many individuals working with the kids.  Probably at least two dozen.  I couldn't remember all of them if I tried.  I'm not talking about Early Intervention PT's, OT's, and Speech Therapists either.  This is a LOT of personality, on top of me and my husband's, which is sometimes too much in and of itself!  We are pretty open-minded individuals who tend to generally think outside of the proverbial box and most of time when we have "issues" with people it's because they don't see the world this way and therefore have a difficult time connecting with our kids how we'd like them to.  They're in caring, supportive roles and deal with children.  Open-mindedness and thinking outside the box are hallmarks of kids.  How could you not strive for this or be a natural in such a job?   The requirements for this Therapeutic Support Staff (TSS) job is a high school diploma.  They make around $13 an hour without benefits.  No one does it as a career; usually it's a stepping stone or just a job while you're in college or waiting for the next chapter of your life.  There's a lot of turnover.  You get emotionally-invested with ALL of them.  You question yourself and can have a bit of emotional turmoil with the bad ones; should we let them have more of a chance to connect or is it time to move on?  It would be one thing if they were just dealing with me, but my boys in the mix can sometimes make things heart-wrenching!  We've canned, and we've been canned!  I've bawled when the best have left us....on three occasions.  One of these was unannounced; life circumstances prevented her from returning to the job.  The other two gave me ample time to process.  The last of the best moving on made me realize that I'd been too dependent on her, and ultimately spurred us to do this Son-Rise thing.  There was a rainbow!  I suppose the common trait among the three of these people (out of two dozen-ish, mind you) was the ease of laughter and love and seeing the humor in situations.  I suppose that's something my husband and I love about all the people in our lives that we truly love.  So it makes sense.  The other night I made one suggestion and the response was inexcusable; the TSS snubbed my Clarkie's request for interaction because she's not his therapist-she's Bernie's.  She was angry that I questioned her.  I questioned her subsequent response and her reaction was to dump us immediately, after working with my B for two years! It broke my heart when Clark reached out and she turned away.  It was not the thing to do to any child let alone one who spends most of his waking hours shrouded in his Autism.              

And I guess (!!) I'm passive-aggressive.  That doesn't help.  I suppose I could've been more gentle in my suggestion.  Or I could've asked better questions.  I don't know.  I need to work on this and as I've said, the SRP is as much for parents as it is to learn to deal with your kids.  The right hand of the Autism Treatment Center of America is the Option Institute.  Their premise is ultimately self-improvement and awareness through a dialogue process.  Self-Dialogue.  You can also have a facilitator to assist in the process, but essentially it's asking yourself questions.  Questions only you have the answers to; self-discovery and understanding through non-judgemental self-searching.  They have countless programs you can attend that have nothing to do with Autism but everything to do with this...learning that you are ultimately in control over your feelings; that no one else has the power over you to make you feel a certain way.  That happiness is a choice....

I need to ask myself these questions regarding my feelings dealing with so many PEOPLE coming in and out of my boys lives, and there are specific questions and a specific process.  I will examine them...I've never used the official process itself.   My issue I suppose ultimately is to not be so emotionally invested with outside forces when it comes to my boys.  "Supposing" doesn't make me sound too sure if that's even the real issue!  I'll start at the top.  Why do I care?  The next question would be "About what?", and I'm not sure what the answer is to that yet.  I think I have a lot of work to do.  Ultimately, the more I expect of myself, the more I expect out of others.  This seems to be a simple equation for good things.